Now that I’ve wrapped up my unnamed story I wrote back in 1988 as a final paper for my Fantasy/Sci-Fi class (Hi, Mr. W! Are you still teaching and pulling practical jokes on everyone?), I have a few thoughts about the story. Overall, it’s nothing groundbreaking, but it’s not too bad considering I was 17 years old at the time. However, as I revisited it, a few things stood out:
1. What happened to Cochran? He travels to the war in the West, but the last we see of him is in chapter 9. Does he survive? No one seems to give a shit. So much for him being considered family.
2. Adrienne is sooo special, being a kick-ass sorceress soldier and all–so special that she narrowly missed being chosen as a human sacrifice–but Darien is the one whom Lorenai chooses as her successor? Of course, this is convenient so Adrienne can run off with Jacob, but Lorenai was one powerful chick. Didn’t she want to see another powerful chick in a leadership position? You know, yay feminism? Way to go, Lorenai.
3. Adrienne is kind of a stone-cold bitch. When the Eastern leader chooses another girl as a human sacrifice, Adrienne doesn’t give the poor girl a second thought. She’s just grateful that she was spared. And let’s not forget how easily and dispassionately she kills people. She boo-hooed a little after killing Daddy, but she seemed more concerned about how people would view her than anything.
4. The Adrienne-Jacob love story is so bloodless and sterile that we may as well be talking about a banking transaction. He thinks she’s hot, he proposes, and BAM! She really feels joy at the engagement? Because up until now, she’s showed little, if any, emotion. I’m starting to wonder if my protagonist is a psychopath. Hell, what do you expect coming from a writer who happens to be a teenage girl?