Cougar. Latrina. Skywalker. These are the names of actual children.

You’ve probably noticed that in the last decade or so, the art of baby naming has taken a Picasso-esque turn. It isn’t just celebrities who are naming their kids Pilot Inspektor and Apple; it seems like every John and Mary Smith are now the proud parents of a Mykynzy or a Caytlynne.

Believe me, I’m all for naming your kid what you want. I even like some uncommon names. However, it seems like people are so focused on choosing something unique for their precious little snowflake that they’re failing to realize that they’ve named their kid something utterly ridiculous. “But no one else has that name! It’s special!” Yup, it’s special, all right. So special that Snohflayke will be forced to spell her name for people almost constantly. It’s inevitable that this country will eventually have another president named Madison–but this one will be Madysenne.

Is anyone named Jane anymore?